Aware - Front Porch Step

I’d appreciate it if you didn’t promote on my post or remove this text.

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I told you. All the men in my life die.
I’m not a man in your life, okay? You said so yourself. I’m a little shitpot.

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"Oxford Comma" // Vampire Weekend // Vampire Weekend


Vampire Weekend - Oxford Comma

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Don’t ever put your happiness in someone else’s hands. They’ll drop it. They’ll drop it everytime.

One For Sorrow, C.Barzak (via bl-ossomed)

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The Next Generation Rose Weasley

A little rebellion goes a long way, Rose Weasley knew. Be a rebel now and then and you could expect good results.
It all seemed to be about breaking stereotypes and expanding the horizons.

Get a tattoo or two, pi sign on your wrist and Nautilus Shell on your shoulder. Test the laws of physics in the wizarding world, but also throw magnificent parties in Ravenclaw Common Room. Be a paradox because paradoxes are the best, and don’t let anyone define you. Kiss a girl or two, kiss a boy or two - decide you like science better. Bring the Muggle and the wizarding world together because the two collided in making your existence possible,
and don’t ever forget to kick ass. 

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LP Field, Nashville - 19/8

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One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)

Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.

Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.

Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.

Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)

Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.

Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.

Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.

Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.

Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
Love, Dad.

Big Poppa E., “How To Make Love”  (via disappolnted)

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Philadelphia, 14/08.

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Thanks to the recent addition of their own 21x41ft pool, dogs at Lucky Puppy in Maybee, Michigan got to have their very own doggy pool party.

when I die this better be what heaven looks like tbh

73,435 notes#ali this reminds me of the dog thing you and that dude have going on fb rn

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[38-39/100] → scarlett johansson

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